Wallflower

This post was inspired by TobeUgeh. And I really hope you enjoy it.

It’s a few hours to my birthday, and I lay on my bed thinking. I am not excited about my birthday at all. Will anyone notice? Will they even feel the breeze? Will they realise that I was born today? I guess not.

All my life, I have always felt so hidden. Like a wallflower.

I have felt invisible. Like I was living, breathing, walking among people, but nobody ever noticed. I speak, but I'm not heard. I laugh out loud, and they hear it, but they're confused. Where did that come from? They look at me for a brief moment. Who is she? They ask themselves. And in that split second, I finally feel seen. But it ends quickly, and I find myself trying to force a laugh. I laugh again, but this time around, it is buried by other voices. Voices that actually matter.

At first, I didn't like being a wallflower, but then, I began to get used to it. Maybe this is just who I am. Maybe being a wallflower isn't so bad after all. I kept trying to convince myself that I was beautiful staying at the corner. Simply being. I didn't have to shout or yell. I didn't have to prove my existence. I could just be satisfied being unnoticeable. I could just keep avoiding eyes and walking like I committed a crime by being there.

In primary school, it was hard keeping friends. I always felt so out of place. I would think every little thing. You'd think a child as small as me didn't need to think so much, but I wasn't like other children. I wasn't truly free. I always kept it at the back of my mind: Friends won't stay forever. They'd leave very soon and I'll be all alone again. And that's okay.

But still, at primary school, I laughed when I wanted to. I didn't fake a smile. I didn't shrink myself. I was me for the shortest time. But then, I had to grow up.

Fast forward to secondary school, I had cool friends. I was still me. Quiet. Overthinking every single word before speaking. Trying to belong. At this point, I was beginning to understand the kind of person I was. I was the kind of person who could sit with a friend in the same space for hours without talking and feel okay. I was the type of person who preferred bottling up her feelings instead of speaking her mind and sharing her thoughts. Because what do I know? I was the type of person who'd study your eyes. Who'd read your soul. Who'd understand you so deeply, but still not say anything. I was a wallflower alright. The type that people didn't understand.

But still, I made friends! Friends who realised the person I was and were okay with it. Friends who actually noticed my existence. Friends who didn't mind sitting in silence. Friends who felt like home.

Now, fast forward to this day, 18th November 2025, I have lost some of those friends. My friends whom I had grown comfortable with. Life happened, I know, but still, I find it hard accepting that we do not talk anymore. Every day, I think, I must have done something wrong. I probably stopped calling. I probably gave off the wrong energy. Did I become too proud? Did my tendency to keep quiet — observing but never speaking, living but never breathing — finally strain our relationship? Oh, I get it. They got tired of me. My low energy could no longer keep up with theirs. Unlike me, they were outspoken, loud, happy, and full of life!

I could accept this all except the fact that life just happened. And it was okay. I didn't like it, and I still don't like it. I still wish I could call them without thinking twice. We were close once upon a time. Surely that would mean something? But I don't. I will just keep watching from the sidelines where I've always been.

But now, I don't feel like a wallflower anymore. I've met some people. Some nice souls. I feel seen. I feel alive. And I feel happy to be me. I feel like a Kadapul. Beautiful. Rare. And priceless. A gem that can never be bought or owned. A gem that shines brighter than the stars. A gem that brings so much life to those around her without even doing much. I have been noticed by these wonderful humans, and I love every bit of it.

There's Tobi. When I first saw this, I was surprised. I didn't think I'd ever be able to inspire anyone. I didnt even believe that anyone would notice, not to talk more of read my writing. Thank you, Tobiiii. This made me feel so special 🥺.

And then there's Dami. THE DAMI! Tobi asked me, “how did you become friends with THE Dami?” And I was like, I don't knowwwww.😭😭 it just happened. Truly, it's the people you barely know that make you feel seen. Thank you, my friend, for your kind words. And please, when are we getting the new episode of “everybody in this house is mad?”😪

And then there's Rohiiii.💗 thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me.🥹💞

Sayoooo. I didn't expect you to actually respond to my comments. I loved our interactions. ❤️

Thank you for reading my work.🥹❤️

Thank you for noticing.💗

Thank you, Lyndsy. 🥹❤️ comments like this make me want to write more.

And to everyone who has read my work, commented, and tagged me, I love you all! Thank you for making me feel seen. I meber thought I'd make a difference here, but I guess I was wrong. I don't feel like a wallflower anymore. I feel like a Kadapul 😭. And it's all thanks to you all.💗

I don't have any fancy closing word. All I have to say is, thank you. Really, thank you so much.💗

With so much love,

H. W♡